Joe and I are getting a divorce. We've come to a point in our lives where it doesn't make sense to try to hold hands cause we're pulling in opposite directions. It's impossible to support each other, we've never had anything in common, he can't trust me (with good reason), I'm not happy with the complacency. With the fact that I've wanted another child for almost 3 years and there's always a new excuse from him. The pain I see on his face... We made the decision together, it's clean and we're not at each other's throats. We've started talking about how it's going to be from here on out, it's a process but we're being civil. Hurts, but less than I thought. I have my moments where I cry, but I don't feel the heart wrenching anxiety I expected to feel. Maybe that's cause we'll be living together for the next 6 months? I don't know. Either way I know I need to focus on my daughter, myself, and getting my life put together where I want it. I'm only 23 but I'm going to make waves in my life the way I want them to be. I'm determined. And I'll get discouraged many times, I'm sure, but I'll get back up like I always have. This is hard. To say the least. But I'll BE ok. I'll make it through and this is best for Mirci. She deserves the world on a silver platter and I'm going to do my damndest to make sure she gets that. Mommy and Daddy not happy is the opposite of what she needs. She needs healthy relationships to model after. She needs stability in her home. Which doesn't feel stable at all until we made this decision. Things are a little more clear even if they're not easier yet. We'll both be better off. I honestly hope he finds someone that can make him happy, whatever that means for them. I love him, always will. But that's not always enough. And unfortunately in this case we grew apart instead of growing together. It happens. I'll hold my head up and know we did everything we possibly could to make it work before we went our separate ways.

I just know that I've had a lot to say about this and our relationship lately, and I wanted to express that now something's been done. I'm ready to grow. Take steps forward to make my life better. Everything felt so... stagnant. And without the weight of each other I hope we can both do that. I hope he finds his happiness. I just wasn't it as hard as we tried to do that. We weren't each other's happiness. We just got together too young and put too much responsibility on ourselves too early to be able to adequately see that until now.


I feel like I have tons more to say, but it's all the same things in different words.